Stop complaining!

We all complain from time to time but chronic complaining could hurt your reputation and professional relationships. How do you know if your complaining is getting out of hand? Here are some signs;


‘BUT’ IS COMMON IN YOUR VOCABULARY: You are a ‘resister’ and your first instinct in any situation is to find a reason to object. No matter how good things are, you still see only the bad or toss the issue round in your mind till you find your ‘but’.


YOUR LANGUAGE IS NEGATIVE: Negative phrases like won’t, can’t shouldn’t are not uncommon with you. You think ‘life isn’t fair’ and you find examples to back up this view. You think everyone’s out to get you. You are regularly argumentative and persistently voice out your disagreements.


YOU EXAGGERATE DIFFICULTIES: You make everything seem worse than it is, you focus on spotting flaws and mistakes. You’re overly sensitive and get easily offended. You are in your element when there’s controversy or drama.


So what can you do to stop complaining?


UNDERSTAND WHY YOU COMPLAIN: And try to be as specific as possible as regards what you are unhappy about so that you can address it.


KNOW WHAT IT’S COSTING YOU: Complaining is not a harmless habit, it wastes your time, drains your energy and fouls your mood. Complaining could leave you stressed and even sometimes isolated because people do not like to be around someone who complains all the time.


DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT: Whatever you tend to complain about, decide that you will do something about it. If it’s a situation you can’t do anything about then let it go or learn to live with it. That will take a lot of stress off you. Do something specific; you can start small; for example decide not to complain for one full hour, then one full day, then another. Complaining is a choice, one that you can stop.


KEEP COMPANY WITH THE CHEERFUL: If you’re always griping enlist the help of someone cheerful to remind you there are things to be grateful for. Reflect on what makes you happy and focus on that.


Now take action: What one thing will you stop complaining about?

Improve the way you think

Whether you are a good thinker or not manifests in what and how you communicate; and people who communicate clearly, justly or not attract more confidence from others. So here are some thinking skills to hone as you seek to advance yourself.

THINK CLEARLY : Clear thinking requires more than just logical thinking. You need to be able to sift through important bits of information and present them in a way that suits your audience. For example the level at which you’d pitch information with senior managers on a particular topic will be of a much higher order than those you may share with colleagues. Clear thinking shows connectedness between different bits of information, clear focus and flow of argument.

THINK STRATEGICALLY: Don’t be a thinker only focused on the here and now. Obviously there will be small level decisions that require thinking about what you do now. But you need to be able to think through complexity and make some sense of it. Ask questions like; what’s the purpose of what you are thinking about?, what could be its impact in the mid to long term?. What connections can you make about the situation that may not be immediately obvious?. What are the priorities and which ones are urgent? What risks are involved?- all these questions will help you think about the broader issues instead of the matter at hand.

THINK WISELY: This is demonstrating common sense, having a good sense of judgement and not being influenced by just what the rules say. Focus on not only on the things that make sense but also why they make sense and what the trade-offs are for the choices you’re making. Wise thinking is thoughtful, shows reflection has taken place and not just based on ‘raw thoughts’.

THINK FORWARD: By bringing new insights to a situation. Don’t be paralysed by analysis. Show foresight and anticipate what’s round the corner. Seek information from different credible sources but be flexible enough to incorporate new insights as they come to you or become available.

Now take action: Identify one way you can improve your thinking.

Delegate don't dump

Delegation! It’s a core skill for everyone particularly managers. It allows you use the others strengths and to grow other people. Unfortunately, delegation is one of the most mis(applied) tools in the working place. Delegation is not;

DUMPING : Many see delegation as their chance to offload assignments that are boring, difficult and low profile onto others. And the manner in which the work is passed on says as much. Dumping rarely gets the job done properly and that reflects poorly on you.

MICROMANAGING : You do this when you hand over the task but check in every minute to see if it’s being done. OK, if the person doing it is inexperienced. Otherwise you might be saying by your actions ‘I don’t trust you to do this right’.

CRISIS MANAGEMENT: If you delegate only when your plate is overflowing or have other tasks overdue, you’re delegating crisis-style. Delegation is your opportunity to develop others and to free yourself to focus on only what you should.

To delegate

THINK WHY YOU ARE DELEGATING: The more critical the task the more cautious and clear you need to be about why you are delegating and the amount of freedom you give to the person you delegate to. Take care to decide whether a critical piece of work should be delegated at all and if so how to ensure it gets done well.

WHO TO DELEGATE TO: The more complicated the job the more experienced and reliable the person you delegate it to needs to be. If a particular person could benefit from working on the project, have them shadow you as you work on it. You could also divide up complex work and delegate parts of it with proper co-ordination.

COMMUNICATE EXPECTATIONS: As you delegate, explain what the task is, why you have chosen that individual to do it, what results you are looking for and by when Check that they understand what is required of them. Have them repeat back to you their understanding of the task and to reassure you that they feel able to do it.

BE AVAILABLE TO COACH: Delegation isn’t handing over the work and showing up by your deadline. Clarify what help the person assigned will need. Be sure to explain your role in the assignment and your availability to coach and support them. Ask them to give you feedback at agreed intervals so that you know how they are getting on.

SPARE THE USUAL SUSPECTS: There’s a saying, ‘if you want sometime done give it to a busy person’. True; but delegating to the same people all the time can overburden them, create a perception of favoritism. Granted if you need want something done urgently, that’s not a good time to give it to a learner; but if your deadlines aren’t too tight you might just be able to afford to give it to the not so experienced.

Now take action : Look at your workplan for the week. What one thing can you delegate?

Pass the mature test

Ever faced situations you wished you had handled better? Getting ahead in your career depends a lot on skills, knowledge and talent. But your ability to handle difficult situations maturely can build your reputation and help develop enduring professional relationships that serve you well long term.

Here is my list of typical pitfalls and some suggestions on how to handle them.

HOW YOU LEAD: Leadership these days is not just what the boss does. It’s for everyone. It’s an attitude, a behavior, even a state of mind. Choosing to lead isn’t about usurping other people’s authority or overstepping the mark. It’s taking responsibility for results.

YOUR EFFECT ON PEOPLE: Know your personal style and its impact. Putting out your best self earns goodwill. Treat people with respect and give them room to be themselves. Choose to trust people; not everything has to have your fingerprints all over it.

HOW YOU COMPETE: Learning to compete constructively is a good skill; wanting to win all the time can be counterproductive and lead you into taking credit that is due others. Pursue your ambition sensibly and don’t act like you want everyone else to fade away.

HANDLING DISAGREEMENT: Let’s face it, you’re never going to see eye to eye all the time with everyone. How you handle disagreements has an impact on how you are viewed. In disagreement remain calm, professional and solution-oriented. Be assertive but polite and keep your ego out of it.

RECEIVING FEEDBACK: Positive feedback is great. Critical feedback…ouch. Try not to reject negative feedback out of hand. If the delivery is done rudely, respectfully say so. Mine even seemingly negative feedback for lessons to guide your journey of growth.

HANDLING DISAPPOINTMENT: Lost out on that promotion, cheated out of your 15 minutes of fame? Disappointments come and when they do don’t throw tantrums or act the victim. Take a long term view and don’t let your reaction to single events undermine your future. Commit to excellence and worthy opportunities will come round.

YOUR ATTITUDE TO CHANGE: Change is tough and inevitable but can stretch us positively. Diminish your unwillingness to change. When you see it coming, prepare to receive it and become a shaper rather than a resistor.You can only influence the game if you play

MANAGING A DIFFICULT BOSS: Sometime in your career you’ll work with a difficult boss. Be sure you are not seeing them as difficult because they’re asking more of you than you are prepared to give. Choose to respect your boss and his authority over you

Now take action: Which immature behaviors and habits are undermining your career?